Over the years I have drifted in and out of different homeschool friendships, groups, and communities. There have also been times of going it alone. What's so amazingly sad to admit is that even after many years of homeschooling experience, I would still find it difficult to feel comfortable in a group of homeschoolers. I actually found it easier to be the lone homeschool family. I was always prepared to meet and deal with all of the responses that came with being "the only one". I was familiar with and felt most comfortable with that scenario. What I wasn't so comfortable with is to be with several other homeschool families that all inevitably started comparing themselves with each other. Instead of feeling like it was a safe, friendly environment, I had come to expect a judgemental atmosphere that bread jealousy or contempt depending on who was feeling threatened. I don't mean to sound harsh, but homeschooling families (especially in the christian community) can sometimes act like middle school cliques. I say this because I used to act that way myself. It's horrible to say but unfortunately true. So when I speak about this, I know what I am saying, trust me. I think it is truly sad when we cannot come together as a community of homeschooling families and give each other support no matter our differences. Now I know this isn't always the case but for some of us, it has been a long, somewhat lonely journey. Count yourself extremely blessed and be very grateful if you have a good support group. If you happen to be a part of a group with cliquish tendencies, become a vehicle for change because it desperately needs to happen. And if you're a loner, be open minded about finding community. You may be surprised to find great support in unexpected places. Think outside your box and look into groups that may not use the same curriculum as you but could possibly offer encouragement none the less. Let's all become the support we would like to receive without having to convince someone else our way is the only way.
Mandy, your post brought tears to my eyes, because that is exactly how I have felt for the past 7 years of this homeschooling venture. I feel like the Lone Ranger sometimes, and although I pretty much accepted it, I haven't been happy about it. The cliques got so bad that I couldn't stand to even put myself in the situation where I'd be AROUND them. The incident at the homeschool conference was the final straw. Feeling like a solo homeschooler is the very reason I wanted to do the field trip. I need community. I need like-minded friends and so do my kids. I decided to just blaze a trail and see what happens. Thank you so much for coming, and for putting my feelings into words so beautifully. :)
ReplyDeleteDawn @www.5kidsandadog.com
Sadly - its true. We belonged to a huge church with a BIG homeschool community. When we left that church - to find a smaller one that would better fit our family -we were no longer invited to homeschool field trips, events, parties - even playdates. We were even totally excluded from Jesus' Birthday party! That's the main reason I went looking for homeschool community online (and even started The Homeschool Village). I've come to realize even online communities have their cliques and snot squads that try to cause division rather than encourage unity.
ReplyDeletePrays for you as God brings new friends into your life!!
I have seen the very same thing where I live. Thank God he feeds us in the wilderness too. We can always trust him.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I know the internet can be just as bad as local groups, it has at least afforded me the chance to see and read of others who have been in the same place. There were a few times when I thought it must all be in my head and just my own problem.
ReplyDeleteYes, I am very glad He does indeed feed us in the wilderness.
Blessings back to you ladies!
OK, I can't help but add that I find the mental image of a Lone Ranger fighting snot squads quite amusing! :-)
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